I miss my girlfriend. I haven't hung out with her in such a long time. Life is bittersweet, but without my sweet, all that's left is bitterness. I miss having someone's arms around me, whispering sweet nothings to me. I miss holding someone's hand, kissing someone. We've drifted so far and I feel so alone. I just miss having someone tell me they love me. I miss my girlfriend. I understand, I really do-- that she's busy, we're busy... But everybody else seems to manage. I miss having someone there for me, beside me. I just want someone to put their head on my chest and listen to my heartbeat. We hardly talk, we haven't hung out, and I feel so far away. I miss my girlfriend.

On Friday we talked about our relationship. "I just don't know what I'm doing." She said that she felt like we had already reverted back to being "just friends." My response was simply, "I don't think we can ever be friends." I disagreed with her and said that I didn't feel the same way, that I still loved her. She still loves me too, but she didn't know how it would work. But she did say, she can't imagine not having me by her side...She cried. I didn't want it to be this way, but I didn't want to force it. I want this to work. I said, "I still want to go to prom with you." She said, "You never asked me," still in tears. "Um, I dunno if this is bad timing, but do you want to go to prom with me?" We talked for a while, and at this point, that whole conversation is just a blur to me... But in the end, I think we were planning on breaking up. But I never intended on giving up. I was ready to fight for love. Later that day, however, she texted me and said, "I want us to work. There's no point in being miserable when we both still want to be together." But does she still feel like we've gone back to just friends? Does this mean we start over?

I've always wanted to be remembered. Ever since I was a kid, I just wanted to make impressions on people and leave my mark wherever I went. I wanted to be remembered. As a kid, you try to impress people... Of course as a boy, I would do or say dumb things or mean things or silly things just to get a girl's attention. I think as I grew, I grew to be more selective with whom I wanted to impress. But...as a teen and as a person, I wanted (want) to leave behind a legacy that will survive through time and I'll be that guy that people will recognize, the guy that people will miss. It's weird, I'm not so sure I care whether they like me or not, but so long as I am a part of what someone has become. If I have touched you in any remote way, that is enough. Even if I was a jerk to you, maybe you learned to deal with a jerk, or learned to be more tolerant, more understanding, more accepting. Even in that indirect way, I've made you for the better. And to me, that's strangely gratifying to think about. All the people I've met are a part of me, and I am minutely a part of them. I mean, I don't want people to dislike me.. I want people to like me.... I guess it's my way of dealing with the fact that there ARE people that don't like me, by telling myself that I am somehow in a roundabout, over-rationalized way, a part of them, and I have affected his or her life in a positive way.